My Friend Joy

 Having lived in a few other countries in Africa, I have found it much easier to connect with the community around me if I am first introduced to others by a friend.  When I lived in Mali, there was a shop owner who was so kind to me and wanted me to learn the language and culture quickly. His shop was the place to hang out in my small village, so it wasn’t odd for me to be there also. He had me “work” in his shop selling goods so that I could learn the names of all the items and the real price, and learn the money system and how to make change. It was such a blessing to me! One day after spending time at his shop, he said I should go cook with his wife, one of the small children took my hand and led me behind to the small round cooking hut in the center of the compound. I entered and greeted his wife and sat on a tiny stool and watched as she peeled onions and garlic and pounded them to paste and cut up tomatoes in her hand.  I learn how to make every kind of sauce and how to vigorously whip the toh to rid the batter of clumps. I didn’t only learn about food in that small smokey hut but also about Tenna, her family, and her marriage. I learn how to do life in a village with her by my side.

When I lived in Chad, the family I lived with had a house helper who would cook, clean, and go to the market for them. Some days I would tag along, and she would introduce me to the sellers she frequented. Once I started learning Arabic, my language helper invited me to visit our neighbors and even took me to baby-naming parties when I had very few words to communicate. These interactions made life so much easier. I knew that the sellers at the market would give me a fair price because Aisha introduced me to them. I would see women in the street or at the shops, and they would recognize me as Nina’s friend who was at the party and invite me for tea. Once I went to a wedding in the countryside with my neighbor and spent a few nights out in the desert. A few months later, I was visiting a village hours and miles away in the opposite direction, and a lady selling at the market recognized me from the wedding and closed her shop at the market to host me at her house for tea and a meal.

When I move to a new place, even a new neighborhood, I always pray for a close local friend. While we were in the states, at every church we spoke, I asked for others to join me in praying for a local friend in Jtown.

When we first arrived here, just walking around our neighborhood caused a lot of commotion. People would yell racial slurs (not accurately identifying our race) and stop and stare at us. When I first when into a large dukan, or shop, to buy sugar, the seller handed me money, saying the Arabic blessing one says to a beggar, thinking I was a Syrian refugee. I handed the money back and asked to buy sugar. The more we walked up and down the road exploring and seeing what is available in our neighborhood, the more people started getting used to seeing us. One evening we were walking passed a shop, and I hear a lady’s voice call out in English, “ hello, seeester! Are you fine?” I turned and greeted her and took note of which shop this was.

The next day I went out, and she was in her shop, so I stopped to see what kinds of things she sold. She was eager to help me find what I needed, so when I asked for matches, she sent her daughter across the road to find them at another shop. She told me her name, which in the local language means Happy or Joy. I told her I would come back and visit another day. Later in the week, my language helper changed the time of our normal lesson, so I found myself with a whole afternoon free and leftovers prepared for supper, so I went out to visit with Joy.

Joy’s shop is made up of a tin shack divided into three sections. The far left section is rented by a young man who is a barber. He has a minuscule shop, one cracked and crocked mirror, a single barber’s chair, and a rustic shelf to hold his few tools. The middle section is half seating area and half kitchen for Joy’s small roadside restaurant. She has 6 plastic chairs along the left side and her cooking area in the front right corner. She usually has three small charcoal stoves going at once, one cooking a large pot of rice and two cooking sauces. Behind her are a few jerrycans of water and basins laden with all the dishes, cups, glasses, and items needed to sell juice, tea, coffee, and serve food throughout the day. The doorway of this center section is blocked off with a beaded curtain so that women can come inside and eat or drink, hidden away, and separate from the men. Just on the outside of the beads are more plastic chairs and tables for the men to sit on. The outside area is also divided into three sections with walls made of orange tarps. The far right side of the shop is where the goods are sold. There is always a variety of things being sold, which often changes as things sell out and are replaced with something different. She usually sells a mix of drinks, packaged cookies, and snacks. They also make juice, so there is always a variety of fruits and avocados available to buy. Occasionally I have found small heads of cabbage, a handful of tomatoes and onions available, and once even eggs.

I went out that afternoon, and Joy was on the shop side selling goods; she pulled a chair inside so I could sit with her and chat. I learned that she is married and has 7 children and one on the way. She was married when she was 15 years old and never finished school. Her husband paid for her to attend a small local school in her neighborhood in the evening to learn English, but that was many years ago, and she has forgotten a lot, so she was happy to practice with me. I told her I am learning Somali so we can help each other out!

I have gotten into the habit of stopping to visit Joy anytime I pass her shop, sometimes she isn’t there, and her daughter is selling things, or her husband. I always stop and greet them and ask about Joy. I am slowly getting to know her family, and her youngest son loves when I visit and often runs to me when he sees me coming. In the mornings, when I visit, Joy is usually preparing the food to sell for the day, but always invites me in to sit and pours me some coffee. I am so thankful to have met Joy and see her as an answer to many prayers prayed for me to have a local friend. I cannot wait to see how this friendship will grow in time.